Pineapples - My Thoughts

Dear Madam,





Today i purchased a pineapple from your store and was lead to believe that i would gain magical powers from eating its flesh. I now realise that you are actually a vampire and in pitching your sale you were assuming vampire practices were common amongst the mortal human being culture. However, i must insist that i bring back the pineapple (seen below) as i believed pineapples to be inanimate and this clearly isn't...






I trust that you will endeavour to accommodate my pineapple needs in the future, after all i feel almost stripped of my dignity during a 45min dinner party with friends and family from Walt Disney's The Lion King because i was eating a pineapple-less Hawaiian pizza! Simba was once again a sad lion.

yours sincerely
-Tex Phillips