Tex’s Psychological Test

Pigeon Holing People since 2008

Note: Answer questions as quickly as you can



Question 1:

There are two hippo’s smoking in the shed, what brand of cigarettes are they smoking?

If you answered:

“Why are there two hippo’s in a shed smoking cigarettes?” – You are a nosy and some what negative person and can’t understand the plight of the hippo or comprehend the art of answering a question. Why is it so unusual for a fully grown male hippo to be sitting back relaxing with another hippo, puffing back on Malbro’s and talking about old times? The fact that you have not bothered to answer the question, and yet deliberately responded to it by asking another, points towards a selfish nature.
“Peter Jackson – HOLIDAY” – you would be wrong
“I don’t smoke” – You are a self absorbed loser that sips on decaffeinated, artificially sweetened soy latte’s and rams their opinion down other peoples cancer ridden throats. Not only have you not answered the question, you are actually implying that I am evil for suggesting a 4 tonne animal would enjoy a “dart”! You didn’t point out that the hippo’s are actually in captivity, so the size of their shed would probably be more important than their lifestyle choices.
“B&H Extra Milds, Peter Stuyvesant, Malbro or Camel” – You may have an addiction, but your enthusiasm is appreciated
Other – Please send me your reply in order for an accurate analysis

Question 2:

If a tree falls in the woods and lands on a 1947 Royal’s Royce, perfectly restored, will it make a sound if you are not around? (That was not intended to rhyme. Rap music should be left to professionals like “P-diddy”, “Maria Carey” and “Big bird from Sesame Street”!

If you answered:

“Why would there be a perfectly restored 1947 Royal’s Royce in some woods with questionable safety?” – You would be the same person that can’t answer questions. I don’t think I like your tone, and at a rough guess I would say it is an A minor (because minor tones always seem depressing and generally accompany funerals… possibly yours? But you would have difficulty answering that one)
“Yes, you could hear the screams of its owner as he ran from behind the falling tree with his pants around his ankles after taking the piss of his life” – You have a high opinion of yourself. By thinking your urine stream has the flow, pressure and power that could be comparable to an industrial water jet cutter you are almost admitting that you have impotence. WAIT… are you a paedophile? The fantastic choice in car might have thrown me off the scene, just like it did when I was 6, but I am onto you now.
“You belong to your world in your own way! If you were not around to hear the noise, to you it didn’t happen and for you it didn’t make a sound” – You have what is known as “moron” disease. You think of yourself as an academic but that is just a symptom of being a moron. The sounds of guns firing in Africa and the Middle East cannot be heard by you if you are not around, but they are happening and they do make sounds. Sounds and around rhyme so well that I feel like I’m turning this analysis into a musical with Julia Andrews.
Other – Please send me your reply in order for an accurate analysis

Question 3:

While baking a chocolate cake, do you feel the need to lick the bowl?

If you answered:

“I love it” – Unaware that you have misread bowl as bowel you are clearly identifying yourself as either a practicing homosexual, enjoy an active anal relationship with your heterosexual partner or are a Catholic priest. Unfortunately this analysis wraps people that enjoy licking the cake bowl into the same category as anal appreciatives (the new AA) and just as unluckily it mixes (pardon the pun) paedophiles with their victims in what ironically links them via their love for chocolate.
“No, it’s too sticky and is a bit sweet” – I believe the only possible reason for a chocolate cake mix to be too sweet is if you didn’t follow the instructions properly. This would therefore point towards you being an imbecile that is incapable of following instructions, so also would argue that you are now identified as a “man or male”. As for it being sticky… well we can’t win them all can we?
“I don’t like cooking” – Listen Bitch, this is the last time I’m going to tell you [punch in eye] get back in the friggin kitchen
Other – Please send me your reply in order for an accurate analysis

Question 4:

How many roads must a man walk down before you can call him a man?

If you answered:

“This is a rhetorical question that is designed for meditation not confirmation” – You suffer from bed wetting and are afraid of the dark. Your fears of roads will eventually lead you to the navy where you will peruse a life of seamanship. I also believe you could be lactose intolerant but am a little unsure!
“I don’t walk, I drive a Suzuki swift down all my roads” – your love for small cars and deliberate disregard for the environment puts you in the company of losers. If you are taking this test for somebody else, please don’t hesitate to destroy their eye sockets with your environmentally friendly fists.
“7” – You are generally lucky and ironically in this question you have fluked the right answer!
Other – Please send me your reply in order for an accurate analysis

Question 5:

5 little ducks went out one day, over the hills and far away, mother duck said… [Complete this sentence]

If you answered:

“Quack Quack Quack Quack, and only 4 little ducks came back” – You have been arrested twice for entering child care centres when you are not a parent or guardian and have numerous child sex offences currently pending. However, your love of children has often seen you acting as a child carer and you can also be perceived to be “good with kids”
“Thank Christ for that!” – You suffered from childhood obesity and have passed the trait onto your own children. They are currently eating you out of house and home and all you have to show for it is a half a chicken wing and bit marks to your finger.
“I’m going to the Pokies” – Your addiction is probably what made your 5 little ducks fu(k off to pursue better interest and leave you with a steadily increasing debt and a horrid skin infection. Also, you would have annoyed hundreds of thousands of Christian Youth Week followers for using Christ’s name in vein. This could have resulted in a $5500 fine but instead was reduced to religious lecturing… take your pick
“A duck’s quack doesn’t echo, so the possibly the last little duck didn’t hear her?” – There is something seriously wrong with you. Would you like to come back to my place for a couple of beers and a steak with pepper sauce?
Other – Please send me your reply in order for an accurate analysis


Thankyou for taking the time to complete this test
Hopefully I have given an insight into your personality

Love
-Tex